Moments and movies
Today is an auspicious day.
Actually considering what day it is and the anniversary that lands on it, auspicious is probably not the word most people would use.
But considering the struggle I go through on a daily basis and the fact that 13 years is a very long time, auspicious is the perfect word for today.
Today marks the 13th anniversary of my first suicide attempt. Note that I said first.
And considering that the wounds from that day and the aftermath are still very fresh, forgive me if I don't go into the details surrounding it all.
But what we should focus on is that I am still here, and I am still trying, even when everything in me says that I should just stop. That is the struggle I deal with, day in and day out.
Some days are easier than others, but if I keep on the path that I have set for myself, I should make out alright, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Here is to another year of struggle and success.
Day 18: A moment you will always remember.
Ooo, how about we not discuss today 13 years ago.
Instead, let's go for a happier moment.
.......
I have been sitting here trying to figure out a moment that was memorable and that I haven't already written about. And while sitting and thinking, I've been watching "Mad Max: Fury Road", which I forgot how action packed it is that I really haven't had much time to think about anything other than the movie.
Which leads me to movies overall. I have the uncanny ability to remember almost every movie I seen, the when, the where, the why and the with whom. And I have seen many many movies.
Take for example, Mad Max. I first saw this one in the theaters with my Dad and my brother. I drove us to and from the theater. On the drive home, I had the windows open and I may or may not have been speeding, to which my brother exclaimed do slow down, that we were not in the movie and I was not Furiosa driving the Fury Road. That just made me laugh and maybe speed up a little more.
Other moments include bad jokes between my dad and me. He likes to joke that I cry during action movies, on the account that I cried towards the end of Deep Impact (Tea Leoni had just died on a beach with her father). He still makes that joke 20 years later (damn that movie came out 20 years ago?).
So each time I watch a movie, be it by myself or with someone, I remember it, I mark it as a moment in my life. I learn from the film, I live through the film. Am I a better person for it? Do I put too much stock into this one art form? I don't have the answer to that.
But I see it as this. Once upon a time stories were the only form of history telling. I see movies as the same thing. At the beginning of civilization, stories are all that we had, and for the US, movies, and Hollywood play a big portion of our history whether people want to believe so or not. History is told through the eyes of the victor, and film is how these histories are told.
And on a random yet related note. 13 years ago today I watched "Constantine" in theaters with a friend who took me in after I just couldn't anymore. She didn't question what was wrong, she just provided me a place to sleep and a shoulder to cry on, and a trip to the movie theater to watch a movie that has me questioning everything from my reason for my attempt and the reasons why I stayed alive. That movie still resonates with me today.
I still watch it every now and again, and that friend, well we don't talk anymore, but we're friends on facebook.. if that counts for anything...
Actually considering what day it is and the anniversary that lands on it, auspicious is probably not the word most people would use.
But considering the struggle I go through on a daily basis and the fact that 13 years is a very long time, auspicious is the perfect word for today.
Today marks the 13th anniversary of my first suicide attempt. Note that I said first.
And considering that the wounds from that day and the aftermath are still very fresh, forgive me if I don't go into the details surrounding it all.
But what we should focus on is that I am still here, and I am still trying, even when everything in me says that I should just stop. That is the struggle I deal with, day in and day out.
Some days are easier than others, but if I keep on the path that I have set for myself, I should make out alright, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
Here is to another year of struggle and success.
Day 18: A moment you will always remember.
Ooo, how about we not discuss today 13 years ago.
Instead, let's go for a happier moment.
.......
I have been sitting here trying to figure out a moment that was memorable and that I haven't already written about. And while sitting and thinking, I've been watching "Mad Max: Fury Road", which I forgot how action packed it is that I really haven't had much time to think about anything other than the movie.
Which leads me to movies overall. I have the uncanny ability to remember almost every movie I seen, the when, the where, the why and the with whom. And I have seen many many movies.
Take for example, Mad Max. I first saw this one in the theaters with my Dad and my brother. I drove us to and from the theater. On the drive home, I had the windows open and I may or may not have been speeding, to which my brother exclaimed do slow down, that we were not in the movie and I was not Furiosa driving the Fury Road. That just made me laugh and maybe speed up a little more.
Other moments include bad jokes between my dad and me. He likes to joke that I cry during action movies, on the account that I cried towards the end of Deep Impact (Tea Leoni had just died on a beach with her father). He still makes that joke 20 years later (damn that movie came out 20 years ago?).
So each time I watch a movie, be it by myself or with someone, I remember it, I mark it as a moment in my life. I learn from the film, I live through the film. Am I a better person for it? Do I put too much stock into this one art form? I don't have the answer to that.
But I see it as this. Once upon a time stories were the only form of history telling. I see movies as the same thing. At the beginning of civilization, stories are all that we had, and for the US, movies, and Hollywood play a big portion of our history whether people want to believe so or not. History is told through the eyes of the victor, and film is how these histories are told.
And on a random yet related note. 13 years ago today I watched "Constantine" in theaters with a friend who took me in after I just couldn't anymore. She didn't question what was wrong, she just provided me a place to sleep and a shoulder to cry on, and a trip to the movie theater to watch a movie that has me questioning everything from my reason for my attempt and the reasons why I stayed alive. That movie still resonates with me today.
I still watch it every now and again, and that friend, well we don't talk anymore, but we're friends on facebook.. if that counts for anything...
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