Finding Gaby

3 miles. I did 3 miles today in about 54 minutes. Not the most stellar time, but I did it and that's all that really matters. Day 25: What are your priorities in life? To survive? At least that is my main priority right now. Or maybe to not blow out my knees, which is what is killing me at the moment. 3 miles on pavement with little training will do that to you. And with that, I'm gonna end this post because I'm zonked, I'll write more tomorrow.

I got called into work. My boss called me, woke me up, and asked if I could come in and work a few hours because someone called out. You know I jumped at that and said yes. More hours means more money, and I'm all about the benjamins. Don't let the melody intrigue you, 'cause I leave you I'm only here for that green paper with the eagle Ok, that is about 75% true, I sadly care about that store more than I should. I'm loyal to a fault, and that's always been a problem. Oh well. So other than that, my plans were kinda shuffled around and now I'm exhausted. But my paycheck will be big and I'm content with that. I gots bills to pay. Day 24: A time where someone helped you. I hate asking for help. I detest it. If I could never ask for help from anyone, I could die a happy person. Remember when I said that I am a reliable person? I have yet to find someone other than my mother to be as reliable as me. So why put my faith in someone else for...

Day 23: An accomplishment you are proud of. There are a number of things I am proud of. My Associate's Degree My High School Degree The fact that I was accepted to 3 music schools for college The number of movies I've seen The number of books I've read. The life lessons I've learned. My potsticker sauce. I could go on. But, can I show you what I'm proudest of? The orphanage. I established the first private orphanage in New York City. Oh wait, that was Eliza Hamilton. Ok, add-on knowing every line from Hamilton: An American Musical. Go, me! Ok, with that out of the way, I had a good day today. Ran three miles with my good friend Jack. Went on a crazy urban hiking adventure with my dad, and then went to a friend's "turkbirthday" (He likes Thanksgiving, so he has a second one for his birthday). Overall it was a good day, and for that I am happy. So far despite me not liking February all that much, the end of...

Day 22: A good thing from today. Remember when I was complaining that I'm too reliable? Yep, I was reliable again today. The same coworker who called out on Tuesday called out today, so instead of going home at 3pm, I stuck around until 5pm. I spent over 9 hours in the store today. I haven't done that since I was working for The Gap. I forgot how tiring it can be, but the store needed the support and I need the paycheck, so that is my good thing from today. A bigger paycheck. Another good thing you can count from today is we finished our flip of climbing and travel. For those not familiar with these fancy visual/retail terms, we basically moved the climbing department to travel and placed travel where climbing was. It's not as easy as it sounds as we also had to remerchandise both departments. But overall we were pretty successful, and this morning we put the finishing touches on some of the bigger displays. We still have a few more details to assess, but overall I...

Well, I did it. I did everything I set out to do today. I cleaned, I vacuumed, and I went for a run. The only problem is that I didn't wake up at 8am like I had planned, and I didn't really have a healthy breakfast (a bowl of Lucky Charms and a brownie). So I made some progress and I had some setbacks, but I'm doing something about it, which is the important part. The run was good. My pace is absolutely horrible, and I am completely out of shape, but the fact that I got out there and ran is perfect. My time is currently 35 minutes for 3.82 kilometers or 35 minutes for 2.3 miles. It's not bad, but it's also not good. But with practice and consistency, I will have a better time. And the best part is? (if I continue with a good diet and cut out those brownies) I will lose weight! And that is the main goal here. Ok onto today's topic! Day 21: Five things you like about yourself. Thank god for endorphins one get's while running because I hate this topi...

Well, I did not get to do what I set out to do today because I was called into work a little earlier than planned. The flu is making its way through the store, and though I have been lucky so far to not have caught anything too major, my coworkers have not faired as well. Sadly one of my coworkers had to call out today, prompting my manager to ask me to work a full morning shift rather than the 4 hours of a closing shift. Of course, I jumped at the chance, it's more hours after all. So vacuuming and any other little chores I had planned to do today have all been pushed back for tomorrow. Which incidentally is another visual night shift. Help us all. Day 20: The best day you had last week. Well, it's a good thing I've gotten into the habit of writing everything down because I can't even remember that far back, life has been a bit of a blur. I would have to say Thursday, February the 15th. I had the day off. I went running with my brother, bought a video game I...

I really should dust and vacuum my room before I head off to work. But I have only 2 hours to get ready and have lunch, and I don't think I can squeeze in the time for some extra tidiness. Plus tomorrow I don't have to be in until 5p, so I could just do it tomorrow. Yeah, I'll just do it tomorrow. At least I took the trash out. I have a visual shift today, and though I don't want to say it, especially since I spent so long putting together a plan to make sure we're all on board with communication and organization, I have no clue what I'm doing today. Or at least I'll have no clue until I get to work and start following the plan I set out for visual tasks, then I'll have some clue. But I just found it kinda funny. All that planning for what? A more organized cluelessness. But once again that is just me doubting myself, but finding humor in it. Ok, let's get on the ball, write today's prompt and get on with my work day. Day 19: One way you ...

Today is an auspicious day. Actually considering what day it is and the anniversary that lands on it, auspicious is probably not the word most people would use. But considering the struggle I go through on a daily basis and the fact that 13 years is a very long time, auspicious is the perfect word for today. Today marks the 13th anniversary of my first suicide attempt. Note that I said first. And considering that the wounds from that day and the aftermath are still very fresh, forgive me if I don't go into the details surrounding it all. But what we should focus on is that I am still here, and I am still trying, even when everything in me says that I should just stop. That is the struggle I deal with, day in and day out. Some days are easier than others, but if I keep on the path that I have set for myself, I should make out alright, at least that's what I keep telling myself. Here is to another year of struggle and success. Day 18: A moment you will always reme...

Day 17: What do you want to learn. It was a long day today at work. I picked up half a shift from a coworker who had to call out due to the flu, so I worked double what I was scheduled. I'm pretty tired right now and either want to sit back and play some video game or just go to sleep. I haven't decided yet. Which brings me to today's topic, what do I want to learn? There is a ton of things I feel I can learn, an I can continue to grow and learn about the things I know today. But I think the main thing I can focus on is learning more about myself. The whole idea behind this blog is to find myself, to find Gaby. And by taking time each day to do these prompts and to write about myself, even when I don't want to, I am a little closer to understanding the person I am and maybe finding things I can change or improve. Self growth by learning about one's self. It's not an easy thing to look at yourself and realize you don't like the person you have become ...

I had plans for this morning, and once again I did none of them. I really need to be better about that. I also need to finish doing my "research" so that my mornings fall more in line with my "plans". But that full complaint is for another day. Right now my main focus is writing this post and getting ready for work. I have no idea what today will bring as I have been off for the last 3 days and have no idea what is going on in the store. My manager and I didn't get to too much talking last night AS WE WERE WATCHING A MOVIE! Get your minds out of the gutters, plus she's not my type. But if you're interested, the film "Lady Bird" was actually really good, and it did make me cry. Of the 9 (9?) nominated films for best picture, there are only 3 more I want to see, and hopefully will get to see them before March 4th. Those are "The Phantom Thread", "The Shape of Water", and "Dunkirk". Not sure I'll get to th...

Well, I didn't wake up early and get started on my ideal morning, instead, I stayed in bed and watched youtube videos until I couldn't hold off a trip to the bathroom. BUT! I will be leaving in a bit to go for a run/walk in the park with my brother, with a stop at GameStop and REI beforehand. So there's something to be happy about. Plus the weather is finally getting to a level of comfort that is not freezing. THANK GOD! Spring may finally be here. And then later this evening I am going to the movies with a friend (manager? frienager?) to see Lady Bird, and I am also excited for that. And speaking of movies... Day 15: The movie you tell your friends to see. A weirdly written sentence, but I'll take it. I will recommend anything I think that is good. So if I watch a movie and like it, the very next day I will be telling people they should go out and see it. The last movie I did this with was Day for Night , and before that was What We Do In the Shadows . ...

Before I begin I want to just mention the victims of today's school shooting down in South Florida. There have been 18 school shootings in the last 45 days here in the US, and I still cannot believe that this is happening. You'd think after Sandy Hook something would have been doing to stop this type of atrocity, but no. The NRA and other gun lobbyists have our government in their back pockets, so any type of legislation that could stop this from happening again gets trashed, and more innocent children have to die because of it. Today's shooting happened in South Florida. This tragedy didn't just hit close to home, it did hit home. And now students and teachers in my South Florida are going to bed tonight scared that they may no longer be safe at school, or worse, going to bed knowing that a loved one will never come home. This needs to stop. My heart is breaking for the victims and their families. This needs to stop. Ok back to the lightheartedness that is the mess ...

I had the day off today. Changed my sheets and did laundry. Finished a few other chores but didn't do everything I wanted to on the account that I just didn't feel like it. Shocking, I know. But for a pretty chill day, I was productive. Day 13: Do you work better in the morning or at night? Believe it or not, both. I'm one of those people who can wake up at the crack of dawn and want to rush into things to get shit done. I can also stay up until the crack of dawn trying to get shit done. I'm a 24-hour type of person, and I can tell you it is exhausting. I don't know if this is just a product of being an ENFJ or my high functioning depression, but I will run until I completely run out of steam and run myself into the ground. I like working in the morning because once you finish the tasks at hand, you're done for the rest of the day. Plus it kinda feels like the hours aren't moving so fast. With the world (at least in my time-zone) taking its tim...

So it was a successful floorset change in the sense that we got it done and were out by 11pm, as scheduled. And everyone was pretty pleased with the changes and the layout. But I hated everything about it, felt overwhelmed and frankly was incredibly disappointed with myself and my planing. I don't know what to make of any of this, and today I'll be going back in to tweak and finish whatever didn't get done, and I pray I'm not being pulled in a million different directions. But that is the retail life. I'm wondering if I should start playing the lotto. All I want is to have no or little debt so that life is just a little easier. Day 12: Destination you dream of traveling to. How about just traveling in general. I just want to go on a trip to a place I have never been before and relax for probably the first time in my life. Just to be able to pull up to a resort, knowing that that would be my home for the next week and plan on doing nothing but relaxing and...

Watched "The Cloverfield Paradox" last night, very much enjoyed it. Haven't read many reviews on it other than a few headlines, but now that I've seen it, gonna see what I can dig up because I'm interested in people's take on the film. Especially since it appears that the script was not originally a Cloverfield sequel and they just added that bit towards the end. Slept in, almost 10 hours of sleep, which was wonderful, especially after such a long and difficult day yesterday. Garage sale days really take their toll on me. Luckily today is just a visual day, in fact, it's a visual overnight. And unlike at the Gap, overnight at REI means 10-ish since we tend to finish early. It's less clothing that we deal with, but it's a lot more specified clothing, so while I can't really compare the two companies to each other in that regard, it's pretty clear to me who's got the better plan when it comes to landing their floorsets. But I'm no...

Oh lord. I have a migraine, it was a very very busy day at work, I'm incredibly tired, and I really don't want to do this. But, I've done so well completing these prompts, that really, I can't and shouldn't stop because I don't want to think. Day 10: Your Favorite Book. Like my favorite movies, I have a hard time picking a favorite, plus I rarely ever re-read books. Wait no, that's a lie, I do re-read books, and I guess I can consider those favorites! Among those we have "She Come Undone" by Wally Lamb "The Joy Luck Club" by Amy Tan "Practical Magic" by Alice Hoffman All of the Harry Potter books, but those have to be read in order and one right after the other. Binge reading if you will. "Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts "Jurassic Park" by Michae Crichton "The Hot Zone" by Richard Preston Yeah, those are the books that I have re-read way more than a few times. If you see them ...

I can't tell if this cold is getting better or getting worse. I'm in a state of constant sickness, but it's not enough to really complain, but not gone enough for me to say that I'm well. Constant congestion and constant cough. It's horrible. Just give me the full cold and let me be done with it. Anyways, let's get on with this so I can go relax and read. (I'm working my way through the first issues of Wonder Woman, guh so happy she's evolved from that). Day 9: Five things to do more of: Play more music. I really need to get my cello fixed (fallen sound post) and I need to start playing again. Or maybe even singing again. I just need to flex my musical muscles. It's good for the soul. Hang out with my friends more. Or maybe just make friends outside of work and hang out with them (but what would we talk about since work is all I talk about?) Basically I need a social life in which I am not being paid while hanging out with my friends. But t...

WHOOPS! I almost forgot to do this today. I'm watching Legends of Tomorrow on Netflix, when a character mentions his blog and then I realized that I haven't bothered to update today. Again, WHOOPS! Day 8: Five Things to do less often. Less sugar. I need to start eating less sugar. I also need to start eating fewer carbs which then turn into sugar. BUT ITS SOO GOOD!! My weight loss journey (fitness journey? I need to find a title for this. I also need to get started on this.) Be so negative. As I have said in my past posts, this is something I need to work on. There is being a realist and then there is just being a negative Nancy. Life sucks, but I can't let that mentality take over. Put myself down. I am the best when it comes to putting myself down. I'm so low that no matter what someone may say about me in a negative light, it's nothing compared to what I've already told myself. And while keeping it real and not letting my head get too big, I need t...

Day 7: How do you take care of yourself when you are stressed? Lists really help. When I'm super stressed with no direction, I make a list of everything I need to do and another list of everything I want to do, and then slow;y start marking off the things I've completed and the action of checking something off my list is more satisfying than actually completing the tasks at hand. That takes care of getting rid of the stressor if its something I can take care of in the moment. When it comes to long-term stress, I plan. Which is actually the same as making a list (since I do everything in bullets). Take for instance my financial stresses. I can't do anything about it until I get paid (or finish my taxes), so what do I do? I plan. The post-it notes all serve as my plans and it's up to me to follow them. That helps calm me down a bit. And trust me, I have a lot of post-it notes, a lot of plans. I'll also take the time to watch a movie or listen to music (th...

Did what I hope is the final leg of my presentations to the Leads in the store and they seem to be all on board with my plans for organization and communication. Plus, it's not like they have much of a choice, but I did open the floor up for suggestions. Now its all up to everyone to work together to make my plan a successful one. What's interesting about this is that if it doesn't work, it won't look like I failed, but rather the group as a whole failed. So its a win/win situation for me (or is that fail/fail?) in the sense that I took a gamble to create this plan, and I'm taking the gamble of placing my trust in my coworkers to carry out this plan, so if it works I win and if it doesn't work I still win because it wasn't my fault or that plan's fault due to the fact that I left it open with lots of wiggle room for adjustments. Anyways, I shouldn't be looking at this as a win or lose type of deal, but rather as a system for success for everyone....

There has to be a book or a pamphlet or maybe even a course I could take that could teach me how to take a flippin' compliment, because I'm starting to be ridiculous about it. So I did a new display for the front of store, kinda just refreshing what we already had but changing it up so that it didn't look so stale and empty. My coworkers all really liked it and they all told me so, and instead of just saying "thank you", I put down what I did and basically (in not the same words) told them all that they were wrong and that I was trash. Mind you, when my coworkers do an awesome display or do something wonderful, I give them compliments and they just respond with "Thank you, Gaby." Yet, I have no clue how to do that. Yeah, I need to work on that because it will probably just become a problem if I let it. Day 5: What do you need to be content. Well, clearly not compliments. I have such a hard time identifying my emotions sometimes. Like right ...

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY!!!! Yeah, I cannot recall a single time I've actually watched a game. I do remember the 1995 Super Bowl Half-time show with Indiana Jones though, which turned out to be a long (slightly confusing and weird) commercial for Disney's new Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland (which I still have yet to check out, I've been wanting to ride it since 1995). And of course last year's Lady Gaga's AMAZING performance. But other than those two, yeah I couldn't care any less about the NFL or the Super Bowl. So onto- Day 4: The best compliment you have received. Ok, this one is too easy, so I'm going to switch it up to one of the worst compliments I've received, or maybe that's was a backhanded compliment. It happened so fast and in such a weird way that to this day it just makes me laugh.  Here's a little backstory. This happened when I was at FSU, and the other party to this story was a member of Sigma Alpha Iota...

As soon as I read today's prompt, I just wanted to start singing "What the world needs now, is love, sweet love." And interestingly, considering the state of the world right now, that may be the answer. Day 2: One thing the world needs more of. Despite the slightly convoluted story and message that the Wonder Woman gives us, this ending is pretty much the answer to today's prompt. Love, love is what the world needs more of. Love is what drives our hearts to do things we didn't know we were capable of. And it's not romantic love (though that is pretty powerful too), but everything from a calling to join a service (military, religion, showbusiness, etc), to the desire to help other people (from civil servants to teachers), to even just wanting to help yourself. Everything we do is driven by love, and maybe if we had some more, preferably love for each other, the world would be a better place. We would start acting with our fellow citizens of the wor...

I'm gonna be honest. I really don't feel like doing this today. I physically do not feel good, and there's a bunch of stuff currently going on behind the scenes that I just don't want to discuss in a public space. It might be like this for a while, so these posts are probably going to be short for a bit. Sorry. Day 2: A person you admire. I think I covered something similar last month, and I think I said something along the lines that people can always let you down so try not to put much hope in other people. And considering how the mighty have fallen all over, its hard to have heroes. So I'm going to go with the fictional kind. I've been reading a lot of old Wonder Woman Comics, and the more I read, and the more I move away from the movie representation (which I love btw), the more I look to a fictional character for strength. And this isn't the first time I do this. It's very easy for me to look to fictional characters for inspiration and str...

Happy February First! I hate this month. Aside from being a bitter single person who hates Valentine's Day, there are about 3 other reasons I hate this month. 1) Tomorrow is the anniversary of Cameron's death. 2) Anniversary of my breakup with my ex (I'm more pissed off at myself for letting that relationship happen and for as long as it did, rather than the breakup itself. I couldn't care less about the guy, the anniversary is just another reminder of my stupidity). 3) The anniversary of my mental breakdown/first suicide attempt. So yeah, since about 2005, I have completely hated February, and it looks like it will not be getting better unless I win the lotto or something else amazing happens. Which I don't foresee happening because I don't play the lotto and amazing things don't really happen to me. Well, that's one way to start off the first post of the month, being super negative and depressing. I think it stems from the fact that I had to bu...