What-ifs are no way to live life

The first day of my vacation and I manage to burn myself. As I was pouring myself a cup of tea, the boiling water that was supposed to go into my cup splashed onto my hand. Lucky for me I was right next to the kitchen sink, so while still pouring said cup I ran my now burnt hand under the cold water. I must have moved pretty fast as there was practically no time for me to feel the burn (or the cold for that matter...).

My skin did not blister, but I kept good watch throughout the day, it's just a little pink. But boy did that give me a scare.

Day 11: Something you always think "What If..." about

What if I had actually burned myself pretty badly?

Ok did I just make a post about not thinking about what ifs? "The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder if only."

Well, I'll play along. I wonder if only I hadn't gone to FSU. If only I hadn't let my depression get the better of me. If only I hadn't wasted so much time in a relationship I wasn't happy in, to begin with? If only I had just stayed in Miami after my first mental health withdrawal from school. If only I had finished my Bachelor's degree when I still could have. If only I hadn't decided to major in music and branch out to things I actually enjoyed. If only I hadn't believed that music was all I could do. If only I hadn't let myself believe that I would never be good enough. If only I had realized things about myself at 14 instead of at 30.

There are so many what-ifs in my life. I have made so many mistakes and taken so many wrong turns that if things had gone according to plan I would either be happy or dead. But like I said in that last post, and like that poster I have says, I can't live my life with only what-ifs. I just gotta keep making the decision I feel are right, trust myself, take risks, and just keep moving forward.

If I spend too much time thinking about the what-ifs, I run the risk of only thinking about those and just causing myself harm. I can't change the past, but I can learn from it.

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