LAST NIGHT AT THE JETTY



Ok before I get started on this post, go and listen to this song. I am currently obsessed with it, I've had it on repeat for the last hour or so. There is something about it that just hits my heart in the right place that is both relaxing and enough to make me cry. Trust me; it's a good feeling. It's something about the chord composition, the harmonies, the lyrics, and that steady, unrelenting beat that all combined make something I can call a favorite. Plus add in the clever way he changes the emphasis on the wording of "I know" and then the bridge:
I don't want to describe something that I'm not
I don't want to hide the hopes that I have
I want to enjoy what's meant to enjoy
Not try to find slights and slurs to employ
Say what you will
I've a pretty sound mind to go
I know I could not go
Even if I had the eyes to try
Guh, remember when I used to love music? Yeah, feels like a million years ago. You could cut my heart open and just see the music spill out. Now? I have no idea what fills my heart.
I'd like to think that it's film. I'd like to think that it is some form of storytelling that fills my heart and forces it to beat to a rhythm solely mine. For a time I figured it was music, I thought it was words; I thought it was my (now ex) boyfriend, I thought it was a theme park built by a mouse. Lately, I'm not sure what it is. 
I just finished updating my "seen" movie list. You can check that out in the links above. Now it's a matter of updating both FlickChart and Letterboxd, but that will come in time. I still need to write this year's first review. But hey! I'm writing here, so that is at least a small accomplishment. 
But in looking through the movie list, it is interesting how I can still remember when and where I saw each film, of what was happening in my life, who I was with, how I was feeling. I used to feel that way about music, but now when I listen, I just remember how the songs make me feel rather than what I felt when I heard them. Does that make sense? 
Today was a pretty chill day. I spend it reading. Finished "Buffering" by Hannah Hart. The damn book made me cry, and also realize a lot of thing about myself and my life. And while I don't want her life, the idea that one can get to a point in their career and write a book and have people read it and emote to it is something I do want. I'd like to believe that my life is exciting, and the struggles I have gone through is proof enough that with enough stubborn determination one can accomplish even the impossible. 
Again this comes back to what is my heart filled with? What is keeping its beat? It may be film now, it may still be music, it may even be just the thrill of storytelling. But for right now, I'll just settle for the rhythm of blind determination to make my life better. One beat at a time, one (new) favorite song at a time, one film at a time. My heart will just continue to beat on, continue to move forward.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

STARTING...AGAIN?

Start. Stop. Start. Stop. Start. Stop. It seems to be a constant trend no? And it’s not like I don’t have the time to update this and actually keep track of… well everything. A routine is what I need, but how do I hold on to a routine when work doesn’t allow me to? Meaning that my schedule varies week to week, and I’ve just started school again (yay?), and I need to start getting my butt into the gym again. Ok. So that’s what I’ll do. I will set a routine, or attempt to. I will sit down either at this laptop or my phone and just write. Doesn’t matter what I write, as long as I put letters together to make words, to then makes sentences, to then make paragraphs, etc etc. Start. Stop. Start. Stop. Let’s leave this on a Start
Read more

Be a Super.

I'm gonna be honest. I really don't feel like doing this today. I physically do not feel good, and there's a bunch of stuff currently going on behind the scenes that I just don't want to discuss in a public space. It might be like this for a while, so these posts are probably going to be short for a bit. Sorry. Day 2: A person you admire. I think I covered something similar last month, and I think I said something along the lines that people can always let you down so try not to put much hope in other people. And considering how the mighty have fallen all over, its hard to have heroes. So I'm going to go with the fictional kind. I've been reading a lot of old Wonder Woman Comics, and the more I read, and the more I move away from the movie representation (which I love btw), the more I look to a fictional character for strength. And this isn't the first time I do this. It's very easy for me to look to fictional characters for inspiration and str...
Read more

Which definition?

Day 27: Conversely, write about something that's kicking ass right now.  This feels like an AP English assignment, that is if I'm understanding the use of the word "Conversely". Most white allies would rather not use their privilege for anything other than making a small statement, although conversely some white allies will be kick ass like Jessica Chastain and use her position of power to make sure her costar Octavia Spencer be paid the same as she, using her white privilege for good. That is the standard definition and use of "Conversely" that I am aware of. Or do they mean "conversationally"? In that case: Did you guy hear how Jessica Chastain is totally kicking ass right now? From what I read online, she saw that her friend and co-star Octavia Spencer was getting the same amount of pay that she was getting for the same project. So instead of just stating her objection like most white allies, she actually did something about it. She to...
Read more